Friday, June 26, 2009

The King is Dead

In the last days of his life Michael Jackson was said to be frail. At the same time reports indicate he was preparing himself for the greatest comeback ever. The King of Pop was born in the same year during the same month as I was. It's a bit strange when someone nearly exactly your age dies suddenly.

I didn't know Michael personally and I don't want to make any judgements on him. I do want to use his public eccentricities to make a point. For whatever reasons...we can guess childhood traumas...Jackson was reclusive, seemed self-abusive, was accused of molesting children and exhibited other behaviors of a deeply wounded soul. These are all indications of addictive coping. And there was no amount of money or fame or famous, wealthy friends that could protect the King of Pop from his personal demons.

The addictive patterns you're living in right now can't be fixed by getting more money or more friends or more strange. You can't run from addiction because it's inside you and, as they say, wherever you go, that's where you are! If you fear dying alone in a rented house hidden from the world, frail and dreaming of a big comeback, then I suggest you get into recovery. Don't wait because no one lives forever. Not even kings.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

A Departure

For all my readers who have their own blogs or websites I just wanted to take a moment and let you know about an amazing free advertising service I found. It really is free and you'll have the opportunity to drive traffic to your website or blog. And if you're serious about sharing your thoughts with the world, as I am, you really should check it out.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Not So Fast

DON'T CLICK AWAY FROM HERE SO QUICKLY! My tracking software tells me that this is one of my most popular sites. More people click over to this site than any of the others on my list. But I have a sneaking suspicion no one's staying long.

Something about addiction recovery attracted you here. You're either struggling with addiction or know someone who is. There's help to be found right here. There are things I've written that can help you. There are links right over there in the right column with resources you need. Click through to my squidoo lens and you can find books and other resources.

Denial is a powerful tool in addiction's arsenal. You can keep pretending that you don't really have a problem and skip away from this site right now. can take the first step and admit that you're out of control and that your life has become unmanageable. If you do that you're on the road to recovery. If you don't, well, you're on a whole different road that has a very predictable end.

Stick around a while...for your own sake.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Narcissistic Bastard

I'm angry! Yet another family is being torn apart by the selfish, self-destructive, bitter behavior of a raging addict. It amazes me every time I hear about people who would rather lose their family, job, friends, health...even their life...rather than confront the truth of their addiction.

In recovery we say that addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful. I know that to be true. Yet, I still have a hard time finding any sympathy for someone who simply won't surrender and admit they are powerless over their addiction. Addiction is, at its core, self-protection writ large. Whatever the cause, at some point in your life you needed to protect yourself. Maybe physically but most certainly emotionally. That impulse for self-protection is the first seed sown toward full-blown addiction.

For a narcissist the entire world revolves around them. Every celebration is for them and every problem is about them. Every life event is one more chance to hog the spotlight. I spent many years thinking every eye in every room was trained on me. That every meeting was successful because I took charge. That every event was the best because I was the leader.

Then I got into recovery and had to admit that it's not about me. All I was doing was protecting myself from reality. My addictive behaviors were keeping me from healthy relationships, a healthy lifestyle and the thing I wanted most, genuine love and connection to other people.

You can keep on controlling your life with self-centered, narcissistic behavior. You can manipulate your situations so as to never let anyone close enough to hurt you. You can go on thinking that your way is best right up 'til the moment you die friendless and alone. Or you can get serious about recovery. You can seek out one of the programs that are linked to this page and begin the process with step 1.

Admit that you are powerless and that your life has become unmanageable.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

When a Window Opens

My Mother-in-Law died last Friday. My wife and I are on an impromptu trip to Chicago and getting the chance to spend time with family. I have a brother-in-law who struggles with issues that have shown up as addictive behaviors through the years. We're very close and I'm more connected to him than my own brothers.

In all the years I've known him there have been those little windows when I could talk with him about his addictions and he would actually listen. Yesterday I had another of those opportunities.

I don't know if it's the death of his mother or the fact that he was there and powerless to stop the rapid course of events that took her life, but something opened him for a conversation about recovery. The death of a dear loved one can present interesting opportunities. I really hope that he'll act on our conversation and join a recovery program.

If there's someone you love who's being destroyed by their addictive behaviors, look for those windows when they might be open to making a change. You never know when they'll come or what they might look like. But if you're always ready you stand a better chance of taking advantage of them when they happen.