Saturday, February 23, 2008

Celebrity Rehab on VH1

I was up late last night. I don't often stay up late because I like to get up early and workout. But it was Friday night and I sleep in a bit on Saturday. Anyway, not the point of this post. While up late I was surfing and came across the latest installment of Celebrity Rehab on VH1. I've seen bits and pieces of other episodes and often find it too painful to watch. It was painful last night, too, but I stuck with it. I don't know most the "celebrities" that are in rehab on the show but this is one reality show that's way too real.

The struggles they're having just to get a grip on a base level of sobriety are compelling. It reminds me of the early days of sobriety when all I could think about was stopping my primary addictive behavior. I couldn't see the selfishness and obsessive need for self protection that was driving my addictive behavior. I found myself last night wanting to jump through the screen and help Dr. Drew explain to these people that their self protection mechanisms are so far out of whack that they're literally killing themselves.

That's the paradox of addiction. Addiction is driven by self protection as we desperately try to cope with the pain of living amongst other human beings. As we sort through the pain inflicted upon us by others in our lives and the pain we've subsequently inflicted on others the addict tells us to guard our hearts, our emotions, our very lives from everyone. When a caring person starts to break through that protective shell we run for cover. Watch this show and you'll see it in every episode. People act out addictively, someone cares for them and calls them on it, they react by running away. The problem is that the only way to heal, in part, is to engage in healthy relationships. You can't protect yourself from everyone and be healthy. Vulnerability is terrifying to an addict. And so self protection blossoms into self destruction that, far to often, ends in tragic death.

I don't know if I'll get hooked on this show or not. But with just the little I've watched I find my heart going out especially to Jeff Conway (I'm pretty sure that's his name) who I remember best from the movie Grease. You can literally see his addictive self protection mechanism ferociously fighting to claim his life. His addiction is bound and determined to kill him and, as terrified and conflicted as he is, he seems defenseless against it. It makes me angry to see addiction that is so powerful. It's almost like demonic possession. If nothing else, this show graphically demonstrates just how difficult it is to get into recovery and stay in recovery even when your very life depends on it. Don't take recovery lightly people because your addict isn't easily defeated.

No comments: