Thursday, September 28, 2006

I Decided Not To

It's been nearly four months since I last posted a blog! The good news is, it's not because I had a lapse in my recovery. I've been going to meetings and working my program. The summer was hard because of a lot of travel and an erratic schedule. I'm returning to something more "normal" and working on going deeper into my recovery. I may finally have a new sponsor. I'm looking for ways to measure how healthy I am. I think I found one this morning.

There's a men's group that meets at our church every Thursday morning at 6:15 a.m. A couple of different guys have asked me to join. One asked because he was at the recruitment table one Sunday morning. He doesn't really know me, he was just doing his job. The other is someone who's becoming a friend and really would like to see me there...I think. I was planning to go this morning but, as I went to bed last night, it occurred to me that I'm really not interested. The only reason I was even considering it was to please other people. That's not a healthy reason to do something. One very important aspect of recovery is learning how to do the next right thing. The next right thing for me was to not join the Thursday morning men's group at church.

Even though it's definitely the right thing to do, I'm sitting here (right at the time the group is starting) feeling a little guilty about not going. That's a sign there's still lots of work to be done. Even now my addict is making up excuses to tell my friend when he says he missed me this morning. But I won't make excuses. I'll tell him the truth. Maybe in a future post I'll let you know if I was successful doing that! For now I'm celebrating that, for what appear to be healthy reasons, I decided not to.