Unintended Consequences

Have you ever done something in your recovery that you thought was necessary to be true to yourself and the recovery process and had it go terribly wrong? It can happen. Recovery, at times, is an incredibly self-focused exercise. We're learning about our hurts, habits and hang-ups. We're having character defects exposed and, hopefully, dealing with them. Unfortunately recovery isn't done in a monastery set apart from the rest of the world. Sometimes we do things in recovery that may be very good for us, but have unintended consequences in the lives of those around us.

Think of it this way. There's a drive-by shooting aimed at taking out a notorious and dangerous gangster. In the process an innocent ten year old child is struck and killed. It was never the intention of the shooter to kill a child. They might've even considered that shooting in a neighborhood meant there would be kids around. But they went ahead with it anyway. They accomplished a personal goal but inflicted damage that can't be undone. Bullets can't be unfired and when someone is killed you can't bring them back to life.

That's a pretty stark example, but I use it for a reason. In your recovery there will come times when you'll feel a need to take action on one thing or another. What you're considering may have the relational equivalent of firing a gun into a crowd. You might hit your intended target but you take out an innocent bystander or two. This concept is reflected in the ninth step...to make amends whenever possible except when to do so would hurt the person to whom you're making amends or others (innocent bystanders). It can be applied more broadly to any action you think you need to take to advance...or be true to...your recovery.

If you're faced with a decision that you can clearly see might have a high probability of unintended consequences or collateral damage be extremely careful. I'm not saying don't do it. I'm saying take it under advisement first. Seek wise counsel from a sponsor, accountability partners, pastors, counselors and others. Sit with it for awhile. Unless you're in immediate danger there's nothing wrong with taking a little time to sit with a decision like that to make absolutely certain what you plan to do is the only choice you have. Once you've done that and if you still feel like you have to move forward just make sure you're ready for the collateral damage. You can't unfire a gun. You can't undo a hurt. You can't bring the dead back to life.