This month is my fourth anniversary of being in recovery! That doesn't mean I've maintained sobriety in my areas of addiction for four years. It means that I've been working, growing and learning through regular participation in recovery meetings for four years now. Sometimes I stumble but I've never let my stumbles derail me.
I've come to learn that recovery is a process...a journey...not a destination. When I first joined recovery I thought, "I'll get my act together in this one area and then I'll move on." When I heard people talk about being in recovery for ten or twenty or thirty years there was a part of me that scoffed. It can't be that hard to get things under control and get back to "normal".
Well, here I am four years into my own personal recovery and it's beginning to dawn on me that this is a lifetime commitment. Just yesterday I reacted in addictive ways while having a conversation with my wife. It was unpleasant and hurtful. Just last Friday I was in a meeting and two days later I'm doing something based in addiction. The upside is I can recognize that and make amends (part of being in recovery is having your antennae up for when you screw up).
Recovery isn't easy and it isn't quick. I think one of the reasons so many addicts fail in recovery is because part of addiction is the need for a quick fix. I want to be healthy and I want to be healthy right now! If I'm not better in a month or two then it's just not worth it. Those addictive thought patterns wage war on our ability to do the very hard work it takes to get sober and stay sober. We can't count on our own thought processes in most...if not all...cases, and especially not when it comes to recovery. That's why we have sponsors, attend meetings, have accountability partners and seek the counsel of others.
Yes, I'm still in recovery and, Lord willing, it's for life!
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