Monday, January 21, 2013

I'm Not Fireproof!

I've been away a very long time from this blog.  And, to be honest, I've been away from regular attention to my recovery, as well. Two years ago I accepted a new position that required a move from Colorado back to Illinois. It took me a long time to decide to make the move.  I did a lot of praying and seeking counsel and talking with my wife and family. I felt I was being very good about my due diligence.

One concern I had was that the environment I would be going into was not healthy. I made the mistake of discounting this. I felt I had worked my recovery long enough and diligently enough that I was strong enough to go into an obviously unhealthy place and maintain my health. In terms of my recovery this was a tragic and costly mistake.

For a few months I clung to my commitment to stay in recovery. I attended meetings weekly and tried to hold on to my sanity and sobriety. But I dramatically underestimated the power that unhealthy people and an unhealthy place can have when you put yourself in the middle of it on a daily basis.

Now two years later I've been set free from that place but it's been a year and a half since I've regularly attended any recovery meetings. So there is much work to be done, messes to clean up and a long road ahead. I am not discouraged even though I'm disappointed with myself.  It's a lesson I need to relearn that jumping into a fire thinking your fireproof doesn't keep you from getting burned!

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