Going AND doing

There's an old saying among church people, "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than being in a garage makes you a car." I would like to offer a modification of that. "Going to meetings doesn't mean you're in recovery any more than going to a bar means your an alcoholic."

To say it more clearly, going to a bar doesn't mean you're an alcoholic and going to 12 step meetings doesn't mean you're in recovery. Addiction is a disease that resides in me regardless of where I go with it. I've been to 12 step meetings and met people who thought being there was enough. They didn't want to share or, if they did, it was all theory, esoteric bull**** or a diatribe against all those people who made their life miserable. In order for me to recover I have to be dead honest about my addiction. It is crucial to my sobriety that I confront my behavior and the consequences of it from the position that I am solely responsible for the place I'm in. I'm sad for people who come to meetings and spend their valuable time pointing fingers at other people or hiding behind theories. Recovery is about looking at yourself and no one else. For me it's about identifying all the ways my disease has messed up my life and then dealing, in a healthy way, with how my disease caused pain in other people's lives.

Recovery and therapy are similar in this regard. I have to be ready to be stripped bare in the process. I go willing to expose all my hurts, habits and hang-ups that make a healthy life impossible. I drag all the stuff my addict hid in the dark out into the harsh light of meetings and therapy sessions. This diffuses the power of it all and gives me a fighting chance at living a recovered life. But, like I said, I'm sad for those who think going to meetings is enough without doing any of the hard work at the meeting that will actually help. Truth is, you may be able to make an addict go to meetings but no one can make another person healthy.