The Father Factor

My wife and I were talking about the Michael Jackson memorial service today. She said she'd heard he went through all those surgeries, in part, so that he would never look like his dad. The pain inflicted by Joe Jackson on his sons is the stuff of legend. She also noted that I'm no stranger to father issues.

True enough. My father was an alcoholic who died at 57 and my stepfather was worse because he pretended to be a good man while womanizing and abusing myself and my siblings. He died alone at 60, no Staples Center celebration of his life! In my experience of recovery I can say I've yet to meet a man who doesn't have some trauma inflicted by his father. Alcoholic fathers, physically abusive fathers, emotionally distant fathers, fathers who left altogether.

The influence of a father in our lives is immeasurable. Both for good and for evil. If you're struggling with addiction or have a hard time in relationships or have generally low self-esteem I'll hazard a guess you've got father issues. Trust me when I tell you that they don't go away on their own. The things you're doing right now to cope with the pain inflicted by your father could be killing you. Unless you submit to recovery and start choosing a healthy path, you'll most likely never get truly healed of the wounds inflicted in childhood.

Now, if you've got the money and the influence you could just remake yourself the way Michael Jackson did. But it doesn't seem that plan worked out so well for him after all. You might consider different choices!

The King is Dead

In the last days of his life Michael Jackson was said to be frail. At the same time reports indicate he was preparing himself for the greatest comeback ever. The King of Pop was born in the same year during the same month as I was. It's a bit strange when someone nearly exactly your age dies suddenly.

I didn't know Michael personally and I don't want to make any judgements on him. I do want to use his public eccentricities to make a point. For whatever reasons...we can guess childhood traumas...Jackson was reclusive, seemed self-abusive, was accused of molesting children and exhibited other behaviors of a deeply wounded soul. These are all indications of addictive coping. And there was no amount of money or fame or famous, wealthy friends that could protect the King of Pop from his personal demons.

The addictive patterns you're living in right now can't be fixed by getting more money or more friends or more strange. You can't run from addiction because it's inside you and, as they say, wherever you go, that's where you are! If you fear dying alone in a rented house hidden from the world, frail and dreaming of a big comeback, then I suggest you get into recovery. Don't wait because no one lives forever. Not even kings.